Women should not be condemned to a life of censorship. If a man is allowed to embrace and discover his manhood, then why can’t I as a woman celebrate and explore my womanhood? Am I not a person? I have my own wants, desires, ambitions, and goals, and I refuse to relinquish any authority or power over my life. But for as much as we have advanced in the world, it still seems that our mindset is primitive which is unfortunate. It is as though the world has evolved but our perception has not. The double standards and misconceptions of women still yield rampant and frankly I am over it. Those who do not understand me see me as nothing but a rebellious soul, a controversial nuisance. And in some ways, I guess you could say that I am. I, however, view this period of “rebellion” as my Renaissance Movement. I’m constantly questioning everything, exploring and divulging deeper into my beliefs…gone are those days that someone just tells me something and I believe it. I refuse to just fall into bullshit “standards” and “expectations” — especially when it comes to how I “should behave as a woman“. Like seriously? Who comes up with these stupid phrases?

Being lady like“…ugh. My gender does not effectively define me or regulate who I am. I DEFINE MY GENDER. There’s all these rules and absurd obligations of what it means to be the “ideal woman” and all it boils down to is double standards and the unnecessary need to segregate people. Rules and standards on how I as a woman should speak, dress, behave, and even express myself. All of it is bullshit. Why is that I am disregarded as a  person and only seen as a mere woman? Society condemns women at a young age to be ashamed of their self-image. Women are taught at a young age to “cover up” and to be basically ashamed of their sexuality. Compared to my male counterpart, my body is to be objectified and seen as a sexual object. I must remain modest at all times as to not “tempt” any man – knowingly or unknowingly – and if I do dress in a way that is provocative or enhances my natural features, then any harm done to me is warranted and I am the one to blame in place of my perpetrator. I am to  fit into this mold of a homely, respectable girl because my sensuality invokes fear. My sensuality isn’t seen as a means of expression or beauty. Instead it does the opposite. The fact that I embrace my sensuality intimidates men, sometimes going as far as being seen as insulting. Forego the fact that I have a brain, intellect, experience, morals, opinions, dignity, pride, respect, etc – the things that truly define me. All of these aspects of myself are voided if I reject the social norm because of xenophobic people who are too comfortable where they are. I am tired of being made to feel guilty about being born a woman. Whether that’s compromising my identity for my relationships, desires, jobs or being shamed to be confident and proud of my sexuality. Our culture is always changing, advancing, and redefining itself. Culture does not make people. People make culture. And if the culture is that women should mask their true identities, then why not rewrite the rules of the culture to encourage women to breed positivity into themselves? So often I see women in competition with one another for the approval of males. The approval of males to validate their womanhood. But a man will never know the conviction of a woman, not ever. Just as I, will never truly understand the depth and conviction of a man. A man cannot grow a girl into a woman, neither can a man validate what is “womanly“. Nothing irks my soul more than a man attempting to regulate what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing as a woman. This new era in my life is constantly teaching me to desocialize a lot of my old behaviors. I am no longer fearful of being myself.  I will wear the type of clothing that make me feel beautiful. I define my beauty, my sexuality, and my gender role. No longer will I apologize for my female-ness or my femininity. They are my unique features that are a part of who I am. It’s beautiful to me. Special. I am of value and no one can tell me otherwise. I will fight for my freedom before I am ever held captive at the hands of society ever again.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. I really like this post, its so true and I completely agree with you! There is definitely a large double-standard when it comes to men and women and that should continually be emphasized. You make great points and this has nothing to do with your blog but you’re very beautiful as well!

    1. Chizhem Elinah says:

      aw thank you so much 🙂

      1. Haha no problem! 😘

  2. KandiB says:

    Such a wonderful post! You were always a great writer and a thought evoking individual.

    1. aww thank you ❤ that means a lot Kandi!

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