I have decided to combine these two journal entries (Day 7: Sapiosexual + Day 11: Soulmate) because they both seem to correlate with one another for me in the terms of relationships and love. When thinking of my soulmate/potential partner, I came up with a list of attributes that usually draw me to a person: creativity, free-spirited, open minded, someone who is balanced between world consciousness as well as self consciousness, confidence, self awareness/sense of self, passionate, someone who is very ambitious and is a goal setter/achiever. With my list in tow, I thought that I would be ready to begin blogging on this subject almost instantaneously based off of this brainstorming process that I’d completed. Yet, when I sat at my desk and attempted to blog on the matter, I was outrightly stumped!
“What’s wrong with me?” I thought. This was supposed to be easy. I mean, I know what it is that I want and find attractive about someone…(right?) so why aren’t the words flowing the way that I need them to?
Then, it dawned on me. Although I may be attracted to all these “non-physical qualities” in a person, what exactly does that say about me. What do I find attractive about myself? Because it is so easy to get lost in the daydream and fantasy of another person and the seemingly endless possibilities that such person may provide. A couple of days went by that I would ponder the prompts of both days, even though I hadn’t really settled myself into composing an articulate piece for what a soulmate meant to me or if I was in fact embodying the standard that I would be attributing to my future relationship. Thus, I decided to formulate my answer through different means. I contextualized the prompt in the form of, “who am I becoming and what type of energy will best mesh with the future me?”
In this very moment, I am becoming a woman. Though everyone may have their own standards and opinions of what that statement may mean, for me, becoming a woman means that I am growing up; I am evolutionizing myself. This transition is hard as hell. It hurts. And it’s very lonely. But, this is such a defining moment for me. The person who I am today exudes confidence, self-love, (and though it’s going to be a long process that may have its ups and downs) maturation. I’ve learned that I don’t have life all figured out — I probably never will either, but I’m going to make the best of every single moment. I still don’t fully know what it is EXACTLY that I am looking for in my next relationship, however, I don’t feel like it’s a process that I should have to rush. Since that’s essentially what this thing called life is — a process. What I DO know, is that the more that I grow into myself, the more in love I am with the person that I see in the mirror. The more evolved I become, the greater passion I have for life. Which in a way fits the list of attributes that I, personally deem, attractive in a potential mate. I want to get into a place where I am so in love with myself (in a healthy way) that I NEVER settle for less than what I deserve EVER again.