“When I was a child, I behaved as a child. When I became an adult, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
I no longer believe in soulmates.
This has nothing to do with my most recent break-up.
Or with me being “bitter”.
And I’m definitely not pessimistic or giving up on love, however, I just don’t view love through rose-colored glasses any longer.
I’ve just been re-awakened.
This alleged notion of “The One” and of having a “soulmate”, is nothing more than the conglomerate summation of the multitude facets that we embody in life. This ultimately entails that we have become the person who we have destined ourselves to be. I don’t mean this in a materialistic way or in regards to that of what is deemed a “successful” person or one that captures the essence of the American Dream. [holds self back from hopping on to soap box] I believe that once we have reached a place within ourselves spiritually, that is when we will be able to truly live in our most honest truth and fully embody the essence of who we ultimately are. I used to teeter back and forth with this idea of a “soulmate” and the more that I studied this phenomenon, the less inclined I was to fully embrace it. This is not to say that I have some sort of sadist or apathetic approach to love [in fact, I am the biggest sucker for love lol #HELPLESSROMANTICPROBZ], but I don’t believe in being “tied” to one person simply because “we’re two kindred souls who complete each other.” Fuck that. You mean to tell me that I should be tied to a person for life no matter how he treats me because it’ll pay off in the long haul? Because we “belong together”? Nah, homie. I’ll take, “Hell No” for $200 Alex!
Let’s keep it brutally honest here, if the idea of “soulmates” were reversed on guys, from a male POV, men will dip out of any relationship once the fun is fumigated. Once the honeymoon stage is over and the “good times” have depleted, men dip. Case in point — my last relationship. Once I no longer was convenient enough for him, he left. Yeah, there’s all of these minoot(and yes, I meant to spell it as such) details that he’d most likely bring up, however, the overall theme remains the same. No matter how the story is spun. Since I am not some robotic, tank girl, my feelings were extremely hurt. I FELT HURT. And for the longest, I was weak. I was weak, and I honestly couldn’t comprehend that I was SINGLE. For whatever reason my head couldn’t compute what my heart had already begun to feel. GIRL, YOU SINGLE. The reality of the situation is that we aren’t together and most likely never will be. Regardless of how much personal growth or goal achieving the pair of us accomplish individually. It is with this same mentality that I am learning to cultivate this notion of moving forward. I’m working on moving forward, but the most important aspect of this notion, is being able to be self-conscious and growth in personal development. LOVE — BREAK-UPS — RELATIONSHIPS — they aren’t the end – all – be – all of life. The most vital relationship, above all, is the relationship of SELF/the relationship with yourSELF.
GOD + CHRISTIANITY + SOULMATES
PLOT TWIST: God doesn’t have some perfect spouse for us or some grandiose plan of who it is that we’re going to marry. Shocker. Simply put, soulmates are just not biblical. I know, I know, we’re so great at quoting biblical scriptures and all, but how much of the Bible can we attest to comprehending? *Crickets* Luckily enough for y’all, I am not in the mood to go on a tirade or rant on this subject matter, because frankly, I am not that confident or qualified in knowledge of this. I’ll get there, however, I digress as that is a subject matter of its own. One of the many biblical scriptures people love to quote in regards to our love life/soulmates is Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Though this verse can be applicable to many facets of our lives, it is not exclusively pertinent to that of a soulmate. Simply put, a soul mate is not some sort of elusive reward sent from God or some type of accomplishment in life. YES, I do believe that God DOES want us to be with someone who edifies and blends with our soul spiritually, however, I don’t think he’s going to just drop a man in our lap. That part is entirely up to us. If he had such a thing as a ‘soul mate’ set up for us, then what would be the purpose of free will? A husband is NOT a biblical promise from God. Actually, in accordance to this article I read here, I will loosely quote this: “There is no biblical basis to indicate that God has one soul mate for you to find and marry. You could have a great [relationship] with a myriad of compatible people.”
Love is ultimately a CHOICE. Love is more than just a simple, “I love you”. Anyone can say that. Shoot, we say a lot of things with lack of substance. To love someone wholly with and be committed to practicing that daily love, that can’t be faked. Love is a VERB. You have to be committed to loving someone. It’s kind of like how Jesus loves us; he didn’t “fall” for us, and it sure as hell wasn’t some sort of “random thing that just happened”, HE CHOSE. This idea of love, true, authentic, spiritual love, is not to be confused with abuse or being irrefutably weak and dependent on a man. That’s a whole other ball game of personal insecurity and self-esteem issues. The love that I’m speaking of, is a love that grows through patience and commitment. Love is a conscientious decision — not one that we must beg and plead or even demand to have. We love out of want, not need or random chance. In all honesty, if we are being 100% real, love….love, ain’t enough to sustain a relationship. Truly take the time to think about all the people who you’ve “loved” and thought that you were so destined to be with. Had love been all that you needed, wouldn’t y’all still be together?
Instead of succumbing to “fate” or some fairy-tale, pre-destined “divinity”, when I get to that point of actually considering getting married to someone or being truly committed in a long-term relationship [that’s headed towards marriage], I am not going to “fall out of love” because I know I can’t. My choice for being in love in the first place isn’t based off of a myriad of what that person does for me or why they’re so perfect, it’s because I WANT to love them. I WANT to willingly give my love, commitment, and patience to that person as well as the relationship as a whole. And that takes TIME to cultivate. It’s not something that happens overnight or in a few months — it takes YEARS to accommodate that type of love.
So until then, I’m working on bettering myself. Not because I want to “catch a man” or because I’m grooming myself for a husband [or potential boyfriend] but because I want to embody the very person that I dream of meeting. I want identify who I am.