My life always seems to fluctuate. One day it’s amazing and I feel like I’m on top of the world and the next it feels like my world is crashing down. Earlier this year, I made the proclamation that this year was my year of betterment. And even with the minor hiccups that I have going on, that proclamation is still ringing true because time and time again, God proves himself to me. He really doesn’t need to and he definitely doesn’t OWE me anything, but He’s really been a consistent and constant force in my life —- even when I haven’t proven myself to be.
“The year of betterment.” I made many claims at the beginning of the year centered around this theme of my life but little did I know the true weight that is internalized by such statements. We’re almost to May and I can honestly say that I’ve lost more than I’ve gained. I’ve lost (the very few) friends that I’ve had and I’ve come to the harsh reality that some people will always find a reason to dislike you or not want to associate with you. No matter how much you care for someone, if it’s not reciprocated or there is no respect, the relationship is pretty much futile. I perpetually have to remind myself of my word. The Year of Betterment. Seems like such a simple claim, but everything I’m asking for, I’m receiving, but it’s not by accident. And it sure as hell isn’t easy. It takes work. A lot of hard, deliberate, stressful, work. But, I’m pushing along. I have a new perspective in life. And honestly, it was time for me to re-evaluate my life, the people in my life, and most of all my energy. Where is most of my time going? What is feeding me right now? Where is my fuel coming from?
Like anything else in life, things change. People grow up and grow apart. It sucks. But sometimes, that’s just how the cookie crumbles.