The day that I decided that I was a bad bitch was the best day of my life and ultimately the best decision that I have ever made. Now, I don’t really care to get into the politics or the history of the term ‘bad bitch’ and how it is “offensive” and blah blah blah. Honestly, to each its own. Call yourself whatever you want, be offended if you want, complain, write dissertation papers, whatever. I don’t care about all of that.
Being a bad bitch is a mindset. When I think of what it means to be a bad bitch, I envision a woman who is about her business: she’s powerful, fearless, sexy, confident, independent, driven, self-reliant, and motivated. She doesn’t bend at the will of society or men. She OWNS who she is and she is proud of that shit! Overall she is a PHENOMENAL WOMAN. A true rarity.
At twenty-three, I think that I’ve finally overcame this valley that is self-love. Once I really began to love myself, things started to change for me. I’m sure we have all heard it many times throughout our life that our mindset is the foundation of our behavior; it is how we color our world. However a man thinketh, he is. You are exactly what you think you are. The first words (and the only ones that should matter) are the ones that we tell ourselves. How many times do we or have we as women, complained or nitpicked at our appearances or been extremely negative or hard on ourselves? Now compare that to the times we encourage ourselves, compliment ourselves, or love ourselves without having someone else boost/praise us? Is our so-called “confidence” predicated on having materialistic shit? Which list is longer? Are you a hater or are you a woman who truly knows herself and loves herself with conviction and authenticity?
Do you know who you are? And I mean do you really just know who the fuck you are?
Not all that buttery, mushy bullshit that you feed yourself or those daily affirmations you half-ass recite but don’t really believe in. Do you know and understand everything that is you? The things that make you happy, sad, jealous, angry, etc. Or are you lying to yourself? Are you feeding yourself mantras and affirmations of who you wish you were? See, when you are completely honest with yourself, no one can use who you are against you. Expose yourself to yourself. This disarms others from exposing you because what is there to expose when you yourself have already revealed it? Don’t be a victim to shame and secrets. Observe yourself. Feel whatever it is that you’re feeling in the moment but don’t judge it. Live in the now. Live in your truth. See your situation for what it is and make peace with it.
When you know yourself, then you can LOVE yourself.
Stop looking for other people to inspire you. INSPIRE YOURSELF. Stop looking at other people to motivate you. MOTIVATE YOURSELF. Stop looking at other people to support you, keep you focused, love you, cherish you, and make you happy. SUPPORT, FOCUS, LOVE, AND CHERISH YOURSELF. The person that you are looking for to do all these things for you is staring at you in the mirror. Take a very good look at her because that’s who you should be looking for! We’re always searching for someone to do things for us that is readily accessible and that we can do ourselves. Quit being lazy! #DIY
You cannot love yourself and hate who you are. This is a lesson I really had to learn because I was so accustomed to hearing other people list my flaws and tell me everything that I was doing wrong or that I wasn’t doing in general. Then I would go to God with my list of things that I hated about myself and ask God to change it; to change me. I was “loving myself” with conditions. The real test, however, is can you love yourself without conditions? Can you love yourself just because? Love isn’t anything that we deserve but we are given it. Look at God. He isn’t obligated to love us but He chose to. So much so that He sacrificed His ONLY son. Love is a choice. Fully love yourself without conditions. In society we are so seasoned to earning love; sick love, a selfish love. We think that love is earned. But even if you do everything by the book, you do everything right, that doesn’t guarantee you love. So the question I want to pose to you is: can you love yourself for everything you did or didn’t do?
When you love yourself, then you can accept yourself. OWN IT.
BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE. Celebrate yourself! No one is YOU and that is your power! We all have insecurities but the difference between Person A and Person B is that one person just doesn’t give a fuck. Sometimes we focus way too much on what other people think of us and honestly, we aren’t meant to be everyone’s type. We don’t need every guy to think we’re pretty/sexy/fine, we don’t need to have men bow down to us in order to make ourselves feel important or worthy, and more importantly we don’t need to put down our fellow woman in order to boost ourselves. Be content with what you’re working with or fix it. I don’t know about y’all but I ain’t never seen anything be fixed with complaints. I’m just sayin’. I mean, I look at myself and I’m not what would be considered ‘conventionally
pretty’: I have a pretty big/wide forehead, I’m dark skin in a society where lighter skin tones are praised, I have a small/slender frame in a community where thick women are the wave, and I could go on and on and on but guess what? I’ma be the BADDEST BITCH with everything I’ve got. If I’m ugly, I’ma be the most poppin’ ugliest ting. I’m dark; and I’ma be the most fleeked out dark skin chick you ever seen. Slender? Ok, and I’ma be the best dressed and most toned slender chick you ever laid your eyes on. Learn to “and what” these negative comments. Don’t give life to things that are meant to disarm and kill your self-esteem & spirit! And once you’re confident in who you are, that’s it. Self-assurance. OWN IT & BE FREE.
Once you build up that confidence in yourself, now you can raise your standards and know exactly what it is that you won’t tolerate! WOMAN UP and take charge of your life. Saddle up and grab life by the reigns. Now you should be able to value and cherish yourself. KNOW YOUR WORTH and then hike up the price. Stop distributing blame and making excuses. Take ownership. Be accountable for yourself. Don’t blame anyone — not even yourself; that’s judging yourself which defeats the point. Just take things as they are and move forward.
And as Breeny Lee would say, “Keep your head up and put on your imaginary crown. Never put your head down because as soon as you do your crown will fall!”
*** CREDITS: Breeny Lee’s video // Click HERE