Honestly, I have been going back and forth about posting this certain experience that happened to me. This situation has been something that I’ve been contemplating about for the past few days and to make a long story short, I have forgiven the situation. Wholly and completely I’ve forgiven the situation and the perpetrators. Though I have forgiven, this doesn’t mean that the experienced just dissipates. See, because the thing with choices that inflict pain on others, is that you only have the power to MAKE a choice. You have ZERO power in how the person chooses to react or deal with the choice that you have made.
Now, these past few days I have had the pleasurable experience of dealing with extreme chicanery. [insert sarcasm here]. Like I said previously, I have been extremely hesitant to address the issue yet alone write/blog about it because of how…fresh it still is for me. Nonetheless, this is my experience and it is my truth.
A situation occurred that put me in a really uncomfortable place. In this particular situation I defended someone who I felt didn’t enjoy the manner in which they were being treated ( and frankly, being an outsider looking in, I couldn’t back the perpetrator committing the ‘crime’. Friend or not, I DON’T support bad behavior ) based off of what I could clearly see with my own eyes and off of repetitive information. The antagonist in this situation then proceeded to attack me. I felt extremely disgusted, disrespected, and most of all disappointed. I peeped a lot of discrepancies and injustices in the situation aside from the vulgarity of obscenities, I noticed that the person I was defending was deathly silent…hmm. And even after the situation “died down”, the conversation that took place afterwards pissed me completely off. Oddly enough, as instantaneously as the fight occurred, I forgave it. I forgave the transgression because I don’t want to harbor any animosity towards anyone. And in some weird way I felt…sympathy.
But with all that said, it does not excuse my right as a human being to have emotions towards the situation.
Then there came the apology.
The disingenuous cellular ‘apology’….seemed so self serving. Like, “Oh. I just pooped all over you and our friendship but here’s this half ass apology so take this and let’s be cool again.” and if I am being very honest, that apology meant absolutely nothing to me. In one instance I can be degraded with such a crude, cold-hearted vernacular to my face, but I get a ‘text apology’? No..that’s not right. It was as though this apology was supposed to bandage the reality of what took place and keep me silent. As though the lashing was self-inflicted and deserving.
I didn’t deserve that.
Because guess what? Loyalty and friendship isn’t based off of buttered up words and ‘yes’ people. It’s truthful, it can be harsh at times, but it’s always gonna propel you and lift you and push you for BETTER, NOT COMPLACENCY.
A couple of night’s ago I had a dream about drowning. It was the scariest dream I’ve had in a while. In the dream I was listening to one of my church members preach. I can’t recall what the sermon was about but what I do remember was that we were basically having church over water…in a tire. As the church member was preaching, his tire was spinning lower and lower into the water until he finally fell in. I saw that he was drowning and needed help. I tried to help him. I offered out my hand and instead of him trying to take my help to pull himself, he took me down with him. I would try and pull away from him so that I could swim up for air. But each time that I’d try to escape, he’d hold onto me and it was at that point that I realized not only did this person NOT want my help…they were trying to drag me down with them because they didn’t want to go down alone.
It took me a minute to gather what the dream meant but this is what I truly believe that it means:
1. PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO BE SAVED. You have to be very careful who you give your aide to because when it looks like someone is seemingly needing of help, truth is they ENJOY where they are and they LIKE how they’re being treated. And more often than most, these people don’t even realize that their situation isn’t right. How they’re being treated isn’t right and that they are settling way beneath their worth.
2. BEWARE OF DISILLUSIONED, TOXIC PEOPLE. There are people in this world who wholeheartedly have no qualms with being…messed up. They see nothing implausible or wrong with their actions. Then there are the people who sell themselves waaaay beneath their worth and no matter how much encouragement you ascertain them with they just can’t be helped. YOU have to first ACKNOWLEDGE your issues and then SEEK the help that you want. Because it makes no different if a million people think that you are special and wonderful if you yourself cannot realize that. You can only have so much hope for potential in people before you realize that it’s all futile if they cannot come to terms with their own self.
3. FEAR IS NOT A REASON, IT’S AN EXCUSE. ‘Fear’ is never a reason to allow injustice. Wrong is wrong and to stand by idly while someone is being attacked because you’re “scared” of being ‘turned’ on or ‘losing’ someone, speaks volumes of your character, your esteem, and values IMO.
4. STAND UP FOR WHAT IS JUST & RIGHT. Even though the aggressor in this situation attacked me, I still have no remorse or regret for taking a stand for what I deemed as a person who wanted the help. If I had to do the situation over again, I can’t really say that I would do anything different because my intentions were genuine and they were pure. There was no malice in my actions nor my choices.
Although I may not have divulged a lot of intricate details, I don’t regret my choices. I think that it is extremely important to stand up for what is right. Because if you don’t take a stand for someone else, then who will defend you when the time comes?
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